'Tis snowing in Virginia Beach at this very moment, and my feelings are conflicted.

On the one hand, I truly despise snow. It is cold and wet and cold. Growing up in Michigan did not create a love of snow in me (like so many seem to think was the natural thing to happen) - and why should it when snow days were rare and snow drifts were high?? I dislike snow for having had so much of it in my lifetime.

However, on the other hand, snow is rather beautiful and magical in its own right. And there really is something fantastic about the phrase "first snow." Had the flakes tonight been big and floating from the heavens instead of wet, stinging bits of snow whipping at your face I might have appreciated it more.

Snow simply means the onset of winter and cold. Brrr. I'm shivering just thinking about it!

Snow for the week of Christmas is necessary. A romantic walk in a snowglobe snow flurry is lovely. But really, those are the only two times I like snow. Christmas is still a few weeks off, though it's scarily close with all the things I still need to do, and I don't have anyone to walk romantically with - so for now, Snow, you can hold off! :)
A good day.

The class I'm subbing for this week has the most beautiful children I've ever seen in it. Seriously. Several of these kids are truly beautiful. One of the boys (they are all about 8) looks like what I imagine the Angel Gabriel looked like as a kid...if he ever was a kid. They are all pretty sweet, too. It makes teaching 3rd grade with vague lesson plans worth it.

I enjoy elevator music. Really, I do. It's rather soothing. I do not really enjoy smooth jazz saxophone like Kenny G., but I do enjoy a good elevator tune every now and then. In fact, I'm intentionally listening to some right now.

I like hats and gloves. When did those go out of fashion? Now they are additional accessories (and gloves are only for winter or inaugurations) instead of a daily piece of clothing. I think the 40's were the best time for hats and gloves. I could have enjoyed living with that simple remnant of elegance. I may try to bring back the glove. :)

I just returned from CVS where I bought candy for the kids tomorrow. They've earned it after three days of me pretending to be their teacher. The lady at the counter asked what it was for. I said, "I promised my students I'd give it them tomorrow." My students, I thought. Hehe. She said, "Oh! How fun! What grade do you teach?" "Third," I answered, wondering if I was lying but reveling a bit in the feeling of "my students." I don't think I want an actual classroom....but I do enjoy teaching quite a bit and always have. I look forward to starting the long term position. One week from Monday!

I spent a lot of time throughout today praying, worshiping, meditating on scripture, talking with God, and reading His word. I'm exhausted! I know that sounds funny, but truly, I feel like I'm about to fall asleep. I'm wondering if that's part of God's promise that "He gives His beloved sleep." Constantly being in His presence serves to draw you into "belovedness" and get you to the point where you just drift off. Perhaps! It's a theory anyway!

I'm off to test it out...to fall asleep in the arms of Jesus and wake up ready to praise Him all day long tomorrow, too!
New exercise. Write for ten minutes without stopping. I would like to set the timer for twenty, but I think I'll start with ten. So....ready, set, go!

Today was a fairly exhausting day. I barely slept at all last night, only long enough to have a distorted dream, before being jolted awake by the mysterious song that I have set for my alarm on my cellphone. I say mysterious because they truly are singing, but I have no idea what they are saying or if it is even a melody. I chose it, though, because it consistently produces the effect I desire, namely, to be awoken promptly when my alarm goes off.

The trip from Manistee to Grand Rapids was uneventful, unless you count the number of flips my stomach did during the venture. For some reason, my body persisted in feeling carsick. As I did not agree with my body, it made for several humorous, though silent, arguments with myself. Mainly with my eyelids, for my stomach was calm until I closed my eyes then - flop! Over it turned. Not very pleasing. I was tired, and I wanted to catch a few zzz's before getting on the plane where sleep is surely not satisfying. So, at the too-early time of 4:15 a.m. we set off on a stomach-flipping venture and arrived at the airport in Grand Rapids a little after 6. A speedy check-in thanks to carry-ons only and an automated check-in system allowed Dad, Matt, and I some time to sit in the food court and devour two Cinnabons. Well, Dad and I devoured one and Matt inhaled the other. I'm not quite sure why he even got a to-go box. He said it was in case he didn't eat it all and wanted to take it home. Right. Like he wasn't going to eat it all. ;)

After standing in the longest security line I've ever been in at this particularly small airport (about 20 people), I endured the lame joke of the guy behind me asking if my tin of loose tea was weed. Ha ha ha. Like everyone wasn't already thinking that? I later passed him as I boarded and he stood at the counter, suavely saying he was sure his first class upgrade should have been processed already, but sure, of course he could wait. Truly a Cary Grant. Not. I think he may have even winked at me as he said it.

I did sleep on the flight, though it was fitful. Thankfully, even though we had been delayed in Grand Rapids, I made my connecting flight in Chicago. That is truly due to the grace of God because we landed as my other flight was boarding. Eek! God is merciful because my next flight was actually in the same concourse. This has NEVER happened for me before. I always have to run across the airport. Not this time! I was the last one on.

A two-hour restless nap later and we were flying over the ocean about to land in Norfolk. The descent was so bumpy I began imagining the pilot coming over the intercom saying, "Well, folks, you know how we say "In the unlikely event of a water landing...." well, this is that unlikely event. Please remain calm, and disengage your seat cushions which may be used as a flotation device. I'm sure we'll be rescued soon. After all, we can see the shore and there's a few freighters and battleships nearby." I smiled to myself and quickly prayed this was not the case, though the more I imagined it the more I kept thinking that each new bump meant a cold, wet landing. We touched the ground - jolted onto the ground is more like it - and I sighed with relief and a little disappointment....everyone likes a little adventure now and then, and we were quite close to shore.

The afternoon was spent napping, catching up on things, unpacking, and returning emails, etc. Then the evening brought about great fun! Our weekly Taco Tuesday at Tijuana Flats and then seeing Disney's "Tangled" which was quite adorable. I would see it again, though paying for 3D wasn't quite worth it. It would be fine in...2D? Sure. 2D. :)

Well, believe it or not, I'm about to hit 20 minutes of writing, so I think I will end with a few thoughts and then go write something else somewhere else and head off to bed. :)

Few thoughts:

I miss my family already, but am comforted that I will see them at Christmas very soon.

I am almost 24 which is exciting, scary, and wonderful. I like the sound of 24.

I am subbing for a 3rd grade class tomorrow through Friday. Should be fun!

I think God is teaching me what love really looks like. Not romantic love, but sacrificial, God love. Love that is inconvenient. Love that is a verb and not a feeling. I'm still learning.

I'm beginning to feel that if I don't discipline myself to write more, part of me will truly die. So here comes the discipline!
I may or may not start writing more consistently here. I enjoy it, so I'd like to. I'm busy, so I might not.

I have been living in kairos more than chronos lately and I enjoy that greatly.

I hate conditioning my hair because I'm never quite sure if I rinse all the conditioner out or not.

I am realizing that honesty means more than I thought it did - that the definition of honesty I used was not as honest as it could be.

There is such freedom in honest vulnerability.

I am SO thankful for my friends. My dear, faithful, encouraging, challenging friends. Past friends, present friends...they are all so wonderful.

I haven't daydreamed lately nearly as much as I should.

I had a GREAT day subbing yesterday and hope I can do it more often...even make a living off of it. I am good in a classroom setting. I'm not sure if I'd want to teach consistently forever, though.

I am not feeling very eloquent at all right now, but I excuse that because these are just random and rambling thoughts.

I enjoyed being an extra this weekend and would like to give it another try. I'm intrigued by the whole process of film and perhaps need to give it a go with a "real" part to explore that experience as well.

I'm feeling the itch to travel lately. Anywhere. A road trip. A transcontinental adventure. An international flight. Anything. A 2 hour drive to Richmond was tantalizingly not enough.

Consistent re-evaluation is good, healthy even. Constant wondering...not so much. I'm glad I recognize the difference and can therefore filter.

I have had a headache for about 16 hours now....even while I was sleeping I felt my headache. Not cool.

I haven't frolicked or pranced in awhile. I should do that soon.

Christmas seems to be approaching pretty fast. I'm excited for the Christmas season, but it can wait awhile. The end of this year for some reason seems to loom with a bit of dread. It's a weird feeling I can't quite explain or find the cause. Like if certain things don't happen by the end of 2010, they never will....but I don't even know what those things are! It's a weird feeling.

It has been raining all week and I love it. But it's not much motivation for me to do my hair. ;)

Confidence does not equal vanity. Qualification does not equal pride.

Life is a constant balance.

September is almost over. Wow. How did we get here??

There are moments when I really miss college. More like the college life than the classes and homework, but I do love a good, informative class. :)

Last summer I had decided I wanted to read a lot of C.S. Lewis. A "C.S. Lewis Binge" I think I called it. I never did....I wish I had. So I'm reading his "Miracles" right now and enjoying it thoroughly.

I hope my life affords me sufficient time to read. I miss reading A LOT.

God has truly blessed me lately. And for that I am most grateful.

I wish I could wear a hat to work.

Butterflies - I love them. I need to see more of them this fall.

I love fall and hope that this one is full of fun fall adventures!

I miss the mountains.

I'll write something more enlightening later. :)
I could give up everything else in my life if only I could create and create well for the rest of my life. By "create well" I do not mean any work of genius or lucratively successful. I simply mean disciplined, experimental, and completely abandoned to the art and medium in front of me.

Many different art forms are calling out to me in voices I simply can't refuse. Their voices are so persistent, I find that theatre has dropped from the forefront of my mind and "art" has taken its place.

This is an interesting sensation.

The powers of articulation are failing me in that I cannot express exactly what I am thinking and feeling. It is more of a feeling....as if one could feel thoughts rather than eloquently string them into a sentence with any rational meaning. In fact, I would try to elucidate further, but a flute lesson beckons me to arrive on time.

Suffice it to say, I would dearly love to throw off all constraints of time, space, money, and any other obstacle in my way and simply create. Simply produce art. Simply serve the art that approaches me asking, as Madelaine L'Engle says in Walking on Water, "Here I am. Enflesh me. Give birth to me."
I ought to be doing homework right now but other thoughts keep creeping in, so therefore I must follow their lead and ramble awhile.

I would like to eat an entire box of fudgesicles right now, but alas, I don't have any. They would be delightful, though.

I think they should make a glow stick tiara. I would buy one. Or seven.

I want to snap my fingers and be done with classes. That'd be nice!

How do things grow? It is really a bizarre concept if you think about it too long.

I need to write more. I miss it immensely. I need to discipline myself to write more.

I love what God is doing in my heart. It hurts quite a bit, but it is so worth it. Honestly, I'd rather have the pain of God working in my life than the comfortable absence of God.

I miss blogging. I will do this more often. Though perhaps with more introspection and philosophizing.

Things don't always work out the way you think they will. In fact, recently, I have not gotten a single thing I want. Very interesting. But I'm okay with it. God knows best.

Ugh. Homework is calling. Homework has a very nasty voice. You don't want to listen to the voice of homework. Ever. Ew.

I will ramble more later..... :)
Wow, it has been a long time since I have written here! And technically, I should be writing my play....I have 5 scenes to go, 3 of which we are rehearsing tomorrow night! EEK! But for now, my whimsical, rambling thoughts take precedent.

I love to smile. I love it so much. I'm not particularly overfond of my smile, but the very act of it makes me happy. Today I was incredibly irritated, more than I have been in a very long time, but I forced myself to smile to myself. Then I intentionally smiled (and perhaps excessively smiled!) at my customers. Then I found myself smiling unconsciously and suddenly my irritations vanished.

My skirt was a twirling skirt, so I twirled to my heart's content right there at work. My coworkers laughed at me, but I think secretly they wished they had a twirling skirt, too. That made me smile. The twirling part, not the jealous coworkers. :)

A woman came in today with her 10 month old baby girl named - Naomi. :) She was a darling, shy little thing. She made me smile.

I said to my coworker at about 6:35 p.m., "I doubt we'll have another customer tonight." Literally two seconds later the bell up front said, "DING!" signally the entrance of a customer. Ha! That really made me smile.

I love to smile. I love seeing other people smile. Perhaps that's why I love theatre. I love to see people light up and their facial muscles involuntary expand, revealing their glee as well as their teeth. It's tangible happiness. Unless it's a mean and evil smile. Those I don't like.

I would like a flower. Preferably a lilac...in which case it would be a bunch of flowers. But a flower would sincerely make me smile. I have the perfect little vase for a single flower, but I've never had an opportunity to use it. Someday soon I will. That will make me smile a lot.

Life is exciting to me right now. Things are happening so fast and discoveries are made everyday. I love being 23. It's a happy age and a delightful year so far. I've smiled a lot.

And now I must return to my life as a serious playwright. I will smile when this play is finished being written. :D